


The GOAT

by Junliet



Series: Shorter fics/one shots [11]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Goats, I Don't Even Know, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 11:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20045599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junliet/pseuds/Junliet
Summary: The French Figure Skating Federation had gone too far this time. Plastic medals at least vaguely resembled normal medals. The plastic stars didn’t look that bad in the grand scheme of things. The plastic hexagons kind of looked decorative and could have been used as fancy plates or coasters at a push. But this time? This time they had gone way too far.





	The GOAT

**Author's Note:**

  * For [K1mHeechu1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1/gifts).

> Heya everyone! This has been a very very long time coming. It's an idea I had agessss ago, and finally got around to writing. I really really hope you all like whatever this mess is.
> 
> Extra big thank you to K1mHeechu1. I hope you like this!!!

The French Figure Skating Federation had gone too far this time. Plastic medals at least vaguely resembled normal medals. The plastic stars didn’t look _that _bad in the grand scheme of things. The plastic hexagons kind of looked decorative and could have been used as fancy plates or coasters at a push. But this time? This time they had gone way too far.

Yuzuru Hanyu, two-time Olympic Gold Medallist, four-time Grand Prix Final Champion, two-time World Champion (three-time World silver medallist and one-time World bronze medallist), numerous world record breaker and holder, and Brian Orser’s personal hair thinner, somehow found himself being given a baby goat on the podium instead of receiving a gold medal or a plastic thing. A baby goat. A live baby goat. A live baby goat that was trying to eat the chiffon of the ruffles on the edge of his free skate costume. And Boyang, silver medallist, and Jason, bronze medallist, apparently had them too.

Yuzuru’s goat squirmed in his arms as the figure skater tried to maintain his composure, shaking hands with the technical specialist and controller. The creature was almost determined to escape his grasp and jump from on the podium to onto the ice. He held onto it tighter, trying to stop it eating the flowers he was given as well as his costume. During Kimi Ga Yo, his goat slammed its legs into his lower stomach and hit the scar from his surgery a few years before. Holding in his gasp, he held the creature tighter and angled it so that it couldn’t attack him again. Despite being tiny, it was a ball of energy that could attack him.

Boyang and Jason’s goats both behaved so much better, it seemed, especially compared to Yuzuru’s. Jason’s nuzzled up to him adorably. It didn’t have any horns yet, and its tiny fluffy head fitted against Jason’s neck and shoulder junction almost perfectly. Boyang’s, luckily, was also wriggling around and causing him problems as the three skaters tried to pose with their flags and the goats. Yuzuru was ready to throw his into the crowd and walk, skate, away when his goat had the audacity to try and _eat the Japanese flag_.

After handing the flag to one of the members of staff (and holding the goat far away from him to keep it from soiling his costume), Yuzuru headed towards Brian.

“Bria—”

“No. I am not taking care of it for you Yuzuru. It’s your present.” He couldn’t hide his laughter. “It’s a gift for your success from, oh why is this so funny, from the French Federation.”

“Brian!” Yuzuru hissed, glaring at the creature as it happily finished eating his flowers, “I can’t take care of myself, let alone this thing too!”

“And do I look like a parent to you?”

Yuzuru fixed him with a glare and Brian rolled his eyes, still chuckling lightly. “Alright, I know I might act little paternal around you, and I definitely did around Javi—”

“A little?!”

“—but I’m not a parent. And I can’t take care of that thing anymore than you can.”

Yuzuru groaned and zipped up his jacket with a sigh. Tucking the goat under one arm, he prepared himself for the press conference.

It was a complete and utter disaster.

Not for Jason! Oh no, Jason Brown, man made of literal sunshine and happiness, obviously had been favoured by the French Federation. His goat slept perfectly happily on his lap as he answered the questions thrown at him, all with his traditional bright smile and enthusiastic personality. It almost purred in its sleep, letting out the most adorable little noises as it slept and shifted so sweetly on Jason’s lap. Yuzuru would have found it incredibly adorable had it not been for the ridiculous injustice he and Boyang were suffering.

Both of their goats had wiggled off their laps at the start and made a bee-line for the reports. It had taken ten minutes of chasing them through the poor group of journalists and reports before the gold and silver medallists had managed to catch the two squirming creatures and bring them back to the table with a sigh. Both Yuzuru and Boyang’s translators refused to hold them for them, so Yuzuru held his like an angry baby that kept trying to kick at him with tiny little hooves, and Boyang held his out in front of him like a ticking time bomb. Which was probably a very accurate description of it.

“Yes,” Yuzuru said, trying to calm down the animal in his arms, “I’m so glad I could land the quad axel here today, shush,” he hissed to the creature before he smiled sweetly back at the reporters, “and I’m glad to have got my record back from Nathan. He’d better watch out!” He joked before his goat decided to kick him in the jawline. “Ow!”

Jason hid his snort behind his hand, muffling it to try and look somewhat professional, as Yuzuru shot him a glare and tried to tame the angry creature. Boyang’s goat jumped onto the table as another reporter asked them all a question, and Jason had to go first as Boyang’s creature decided it wanted to be in Yuzuru’s arms. He then had to fight the two creatures in his arms; one was trying to kick him in the face again and the other was trying to cuddle up to him.

Whatever gods or deities exist decided to ignore Yuzuru and his struggles. In fact, they decided to have some extra fun with him.

Once the press conference was over, Jason gave Boyang and Yuzuru a hug each.

“Great competition guys. Hopefully I’ll see you both again at the final! I’ll work hard on my quad sal though, and it’ll be all over for you two. Quad lutzes or not, I think I’ll be able to take you on. Watch out!” He teased.

“See you Jason!” Yuzuru smiled brightly, unable to really stop himself despite his irritation. It wasn’t Jason’s fault. And Jason always made you smile. No wonder Shoma loved him so much.

“And little Junnie 2 says well done to both of you too!” He waved the goat’s hoof at them, and Yuzuru and Boyang cooed together with a smile. “See you around guys! Don’t miss the bus back to the hotel.”

Yuzuru sighed, turning to pick up his water bottle and Pooh when he realised something was missing. Something significant. And wiggly.

“Kuso,” he hissed, looking around himself, “kuso kuso kuso!”

“You good?” Boyang asked in very very poor English. “Okay?”

Yuzuru shook his head as proper English escaped him. “Ugh!” he groaned, covering his face. “Goat! Missing!”

Boyang raised an eyebrow at him, not getting a single word. “Goat?” he repeated slowly. “Missing?”

Yuzuru rubbed at his forehead and mimed rocking a baby before he made devil horns on his head. “Goat.”

Boyang’s eyes widened and he nodded with that bright smile that made Yuzuru’s heart do little quad axels. “Goat! Mine gone too!”

The pair’s smiles then fell to frowns that transcended the language barrier. Both of them gasped, looking around the deserted press conference room. There was no sign of any goats around. They exchanged a look and realised what they had to do.

The pair searched together under all the seats and lifted the ISU table cloth, finding nothing as they combed over every inch of the press conference room. Boyang smiled brightly and poked Yuzuru’s nose lightly.

“No worry! Come on!”

Yuzuru stared after him, blush rising up his nose and cheeks as he watched Boyang all but bounce down the hallway of the rink. When Yuzuru finally got back to his senses, he followed him.

“Found!” Boyang bounced on the balls of his face with a smile in front of the two doors to the rink. “Found them!”

Yuzuru followed him and gasped almost in shock. The two baby goats had somehow made it onto the ice and were sliding around on very shaky legs. They made little noises together as they fell around, slipping and sliding on their fluffy bellies. Yuzuru and Boyang exchanged a look before they both smiled brightly.

They changed back into their skates almost wordlessly at the edge of the ice and Yuzuru unzipped his Team Japan, shrugging it off to show his free skate costume. Boyang did the same and they stepped out onto the ice together.

The two goats looked at each other and tried to scatter. They tried to split to opposite sides of the rink but ended up splatting on the ice, belly first, and sliding very little across the ice. Yuzuru and Boyang both giggled together and moved their goats off the ice before they enjoyed the freedom of having the whole ice to themselves without the pressure of competition. Yuzuru fell into stroking exercises almost instinctively as Boyang launched into beautiful jumps in front of him.

“Quad lutz,” Yuzuru said to him with a smile. “Yours is beautiful.”

Boyang blushed, understanding most of what he said. “Quad loop very good. You’re very good. You. You good.”

Yuzuru smiled brightly, blushing a little. He high fived Boyang and couldn’t hold back his smile. “There. You have quad loop power. I have quad Lutz power.”

“No steal Lutz!” Boyang protested before he laughed.

Yuzuru giggled and skated off, glancing behind hm to see Boyang chasing after him. The game of chase started and the pair were laughing as they messed around and played about on the ice together. Even alone, they ended up in a jump battle of some sort, with Boyang half showing off his beautiful Lutz and Yuzuru fangirling over it and applauding every time he landed it.

“Your ankle?” Boyang asked quietly as he stopped in front of Yuzuru. “For Lutz?”

“Better.” Yuzuru smiled.

“Try?”

Yuzuru frowned a little before he sighed and nodded a little. “Try. Hope it won’t be bad.”

Boyang skated over to him and touched his forehead with a bright smile. “Good Lutz luck.”

Yuzuru’s blush spread right across his nose and cheeks, and he couldn’t help but return the brilliant smile shown before him. With a renewed confidence and a warmth in his chest, Yuzuru skated the same way he had in the summer when he was training the quad Lutz before his injury. Without a second of doubt, he threw caution to the wind and dug his toe pick in.

It was like a dream. The rotation felt easy. The outside edge was deep and perfect. There was no pre-rotation. Four turns came so easily and he landed like butter, with no under rotation at the end. It felt as easy as a double. Yuzuru could hardly believe he’d just landed it.

“See! So good! Great jump!”

Yuzuru glowed brightly with pride and he hugged Boyang tightly. “Thanks to the good Lutz luck!”

Boyang hugged him back just as tightly and the pair melted into each other’s arms as they stayed in the hug and on the ice for some time. The only sounds to break their comfortable silence were the little noises from their baby goats and the hum of the machines that kept the ice solid. They held onto each other for what felt like hours, enjoying the closeness.

“Yuzuru?”

Yuzuru tilted his head and looked up at Boyang’s smile that still made his heart quad axel.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you? Please?”

Yuzuru nodded, moving his hands from Boyang’s waist up to his hair as the Chinese man closed the distance between them. It was so soft and almost tentative, the opposite to how both of them approached their jumps. Boyang’s hands rested on Yuzuru’s waist and it soon changed from a soft and gentle kiss to a more passionate and intimate act. It ended only when they both had to breathe and their eyes both fluttered open.

“Wow,” Boyang giggled, “you kiss like axels.”

“You kill like Lutzes.” Yuzuru responded, slipping his hand into Boyang’s as they skated to the side of the rink.

The pair stepped off together and unlaced their skates, setting them away carefully so that they weren’t damaged. They packed up their stuff and zipped up their jackets before they scooped up their now sleeping baby goats.

“Think we missed the bus,” Yuzuru mumbled, fiddling with his phone. “I’ll call JSF representative and—”

“Or, we could walk back together?”

Yuzuru stared at Boyang before a small smile blossomed across his face. “I think I’d like that actually.”

And so, with their skates and sleepy goats in their arms, the two walked back to the official hotel together. It wasn’t far, and the nice cool evening air of France was lovely: not too cold yet but also nice and refreshing. Walking along the dimly lit streets, Boyang’s hand brushed up against Yuzuru’s gently as he stroked the back of his hand.

“Good night,” Boyang said with a smile in his shy English, “and Yuzuru says goodnight too!”

He waved his goat’s leg, just like Jason had hours ago, and smiled. “He’s called Yuzuru. You’re the GOAT of skating. My goat.”

With a shy kiss to Yuzuru’s cheek, Boyang disappeared into the lift and left Yuzuru alone in the hotel foyer, blushing bright pink.

_Wow._ Yuzuru whispered to himself, stroking his sleeping goat’s fluffy head. _Who knew Boyang Jin was such a sweetheart?_


End file.
